During the Christmas season there’s a lot of talk about the love of God. After all, love is the reason Jesus came. Yet, for many, the love of God seems impersonal. This was true for me. I knew that God loved the world so much that He sent His only Son, but I couldn’t comprehend that God loved me personally. I accepted Christ as a child and gave Him my life in my early twenties, but I always felt as if I was sneaking in under the guise of “the world.” Because God loved the world, and I was part of that world, it stood to reason that even though I struggled to personalize the love of God, I could still become part of the family of God.
However, I still felt like I didn’t really belong. It’s not something that came to the forefront of my mind, but a vague feeling that loomed over everything that I did. It left me working for God’s love and acceptance instead of basking in it.
Judgment
I didn’t realize it at the time, but this caused me to be very dysfunctional. Because I struggled to receive the love of God by faith, I didn’t have it to give away. I was very judgmental. Even though I knew that I was supposed to love others, I was compelled to judgment. I was working hard to be loved and accepted, and I wanted everyone around me to be working just as hard.
Instead of being focused on God, my focus was on my works. I didn’t only judge others, I judged myself, which caused me to struggle with condemnation. Was what I was doing enough? Had I done enough good things to be accepted yet? Was God pleased with me? Had I done enough that God would move on my behalf? In my mind, the struggle was real and exhausting! Eventually, I gave up, and I left the church.
realizing Love
One weary day while I was away, the presence of God showed up in my living room, and everything would begin to change. God revealed that my enemies were religion and condemnation. Learning to accept the love of God for myself was a long process, but as God began to pour out His love on me, I couldn’t help but change. At the time, I was living a life style that didn’t glorify God, and I can remember thinking that it wasn’t right that God was showing me His love and kindness, because I had done nothing to deserve it.
What I would realize over the next several months was that the love of God isn’t contingent on me doing anything! God loves me – period! In a world full of religions that say that you have to do all the right things to be loved by God, the love of Jesus Christ stands alone. We don’t have to work for it. It’s given freely.
Despite my unfaithfulness, God was showing Himself faithful. He knew exactly what I needed. I needed to come to grips with the foundation of salvation. The why behind it all. God doesn’t love individuals because He loves the world. He loves the world because of all the individuals in it. It’s not the sea of people that He’s in love with, it’s you and me!
Receiving Love by faith
The truth was that I was accepted and loved the entire time. But there was an important factor that I was missing. It was because of God’s grace and Christ’s sacrifice that I was accepted and loved by God. (Eph 1:6) There was nothing that I could do to earn love or acceptance. God loves me, because He is love. He accepts me, because of Christ’s sacrifice.
As God poured out His love on me during this season, I began to change. Once I realized that I didn’t need to work for His love and acceptance that He already loved and accepted me, I was drawn to Him like a moth to the flame. I couldn’t get enough. I began to come to Him just to bask in His love. I no longer saw the Bible as a rule book or required reading. But I saw the Bible as revelation of who God is, and reading it allowed me to know Him more.
Transformed
When my focus shifted from works to the Lord, I was transformed. The change wasn’t accomplished by my works and self-effort as I had supposed it would be. It was a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit in me, and it was truly effortless for me. The love of God drew me, and the Holy Spirit changed me. There’s a beautiful scripture that portrays this process. It says, “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.” (2 Cor 3:18)
This simply means that as we draw close to Him, we are transformed by His glory and His Spirit. What a beautiful transformation it was. I was no longer judgmental. I wanted to freely extend the love that I had freely received. Since I wasn’t trying to work for it, I didn’t want others to have to work for it either. God was pouring His love into me and I wanted to pour it into others. I had a new found zeal to show everyone God’s love and acceptance – by grace. The same way it had been given to me.
This doesn’t mean that I’m perfect; I have to continue to abide in His love, and the business of life is always trying to pull us away. However being rooted and grounded in the love of God, changes everything. Now, I have the capacity to love, because I know that I am loved by God.